Blue
by morethanbefore
Summary: Growing up is tough, especially when you're a 17 year old killing machine that's afraid to look at his own shadow.
1. Foreword

**Blue **

1*2

morethanbefore

Growing up is tough, especially when you're a 17 year old killing machine that's afraid to look at his own shadow.

* * *

><p>I don't really know if I'll finish this but I want to try I guess.<p>

Blue's a story about puberty and letting go of your fears.

I guess it should actually be called _Indigo_ but oh well.

Blue is inspired by the movie Hanna.

I've never actually seen the movie but I've seen the trailer and it inspired me.

I don't really have much more to talk about except for DFTBA =)


	2. Here

**Blue**

_Here_

* * *

><p><strong>1a.<strong>

The first sense to come back is always smell. In this case it was the cool, sterile scent of a lab that always sent shivers down the back of his neck. There was the stale and metallic scent that reminded him of sterilized and carefully sharpen needles. He didn't have to open his eyes to know he was in a hospital but he did so anyway, blinking a few times before the light wasn't so blinding.

It took more time for sound to come back, to hear something other than the high-pitched resonance that echoed in his head. In faded the humming and beeping of the computerized hospital equipment. There was the bussing of the small radio on the night table and then the rustling of the sheets as he started to get up.

He grunted when a sharp pain shot up from his leg. He bit his lip and groaned louder. He wasn't bleeding, not yet, not anymore, he guessed and swept his tongue across his lips and the inside of his mouth. Iron. And morning breath. He couldn't decide which was worse.

He shifted around, trying to find a more comfortable position to sit in but gave up after a while. His legs throbbed, his body ached, and his head was killing him. There was not much he could do to ease the pain except to stay very still, something he had never been particularly good at off the clock.

"'uck 'appened?" His voice came out as a croak and he groaned. _Great._

He tried to remember what had happened but his mind blurred which was unusual. He couldn't grasp the whole event, only small pieces here and there.

.

He remembered the bang. It had been loud and made his ears ring. There had been smoke, think and suffocating, and then the fire. He had tried to get out, to safety, but then the ground shook and he lost his balance. He remembered tripping, falling and trying to get back up. Something had hit him hard across the face and then everything went black.

"…_check…lab….surv—"_

"_wait….someone….boy…"_

There were voices after that. He hadn't known if they were male or female. At the time everything sounded like noise. Distant and far-off like static that lay in the peripheral of comprehension. His body was paralyzed, his mind was swarming. He was somewhere between unconscious and fully conscious. Unaware yet had a small, fleeting notion of what was happening. He knew something had latched onto him and then he was off the ground and moving. To where or for how long he did not know and could not stay aware long enough to find out.

"Oh dear! Are you awake?" The boy jumped, surprised then winced at the pain. He hadn't heard her come in. "Oh, are you okay? Don't move dear." She said, shaking her head. He didn't and watched as she approached. She set her tray down on the night table and reached for the phone that hung on the wall above the night table. "I'll just call the doctor and tell her you're awake" She winked.

"Yes, doctor? He's awake….Now I think, I've only just come in…okay…okay…Alright. I'll see you when you come up." She set the phone back in the receiver looked at him. She smiled sweetly. "The doctor will be right up dear." She turned her attention to the tray but kept talking. "I'm so glad you've finally woken up. I'm sure Mrs. Noin will just be overjoyed to hear…" She went on but he had stopped listening.

_Doctor_... Something— recollection?—familiarity?—popped up into his mind. Ignoring the pain in his head, he tried to recall the memory. It was something he should've known. Something important but what? _What? _

_Doctor?...Doctor? J? _

_G?_ His stomach sank. _Fuck_. Where was the professor? Why wasn't he with him? He thought. Where had the professor been at the time of the bang? Had he made it out or had he still been in his lab?

"G?" His vision blurred. He couldn't have been. "No" He whispered. "No." He said, louder this time. "_Fuck_ no. G." This couldn't have been happening. _It couldn't_. He didn't want it to.

.

He sank into the sheets, ignoring the protests from his body and buried his head in his hands. All he could think was _fuck_ and _no _and _G_. He did not hear the nurse's concerned questions and barely registered the soothing hand on his shoulder. He did not notice the group of doctors and nurses that entered the room and crowded him. They checked his vitals, changed the needles and the IV drip to a fuller bag.

He should have taken note of the contents of the bag, or memorized the faces of the hospital employees like G had taught him to but it took all his concentration to suppress the churning in his stomach. He tried to ignore the nausea that was creeping up on him. He sealed his mouth so he couldn't scream, or throw up or both and shut his eyes tighter so he couldn't cry. G would have been disappointed if he had cried, he thought. He shut himself in tighter and curled into a ball.

The ache of his body was nothing compared to this new one. This one ran deeper. It couldn't be soothed with ointment or bandaged like a cut could. It was overwhelming. The pain consumed him and broke him down much faster. It made him sick everywhere. He didn't know where it came from or how to make it stop, if I _could_ have be stopped. He did know it would leave a scar. Hurt this bad always did.

* * *

><p>It smelled like sun the next time he awoke. Warm light covered him like an extra blanket. He kept his eyes closed this time and basked in the sunlight. There was a fragrance in the room that dulled the scent he had come to associate with hospitals. It was earthy, flowery and worked to relax him.<p>

He was exhausted but didn't ache like before. The pain was duller but not completely gone. It was there, and he felt it every time his heart beat. It was so close yet far away at the same time. Somewhere on the edge of himself. It reached out to grab hold of him, to take control, but couldn't completely seize him and make him submit. Not like before.

The boy shifted into a more comfortable position, not liking the feel of the starchy sheets or the too firm bed. He was sore which helped to dull the ache of his body. Sweat matted his bangs to his forehead but he did not feel hot nor was it stuffy in the room.

A soft _thud_ made him open his eyes. The wall was painted an orange-ish creamy color with framed landscapes he did not recognize. There was a large short rectangular dresser pushed up against the wall and a mirror hanging in the center. Vases filled with very colorful flowers sat on top of a lightly colored dresser and he smiled, almost laughed. The room was very bright and colorful, as if it were designed for a child. He couldn't remember the last time he felt like a child.

.

The boy turned to the other side and saw that there were more flowers on the night table. They smelled nice and he wondered who could have gotten him such nice looking flowers. It wasn't as if he had a long list of friends or anyone who really cared about him. Not anymore. But his memory was a little fuzzy. He couldn't really be sure.

His eyes found a book. One of those thick picture-less books he hated to read. There was an elbow perched on top the book and he followed it, his mind not quite comprehending just what he was seeing. There was a hand, then a chin. Lips, nose, eyes. He breathed out a laugh because her eyes were dark blue and beautiful. They were staring at him and he stared at them. He zoomed out and saw that she was beautiful too. She had blue-black hair that fell on one side of her face and matched her eyes. Her lips were red and up-turned. If he was fully aware he would have said she looked amused.

.

Her red lips moved and it took a few moments for him to understand what she had just said.

"Hello. My name is Lucrezia Noin." She spoke slow and carefully as if she was talking to a child. He laughed again.

"Hello" He didn't croak, but his voice broke mid-word. She smiled and nodded.

"Can you tell me your name?"

His name? He hadn't thought about that in what seemed like forever. What was it again? He frowned. He couldn't remember yet at the moment it didn't seem to matter. He smiled and said:

"Lucrezia Noin" She frowned a little and shook her head.

"No, that's _my_ name. What's _your_ name?" She tried again.

"Lucrezia Noin" He said again. This time less sure and also shook his head.

"No—"

"No" he shook his head and chanted "no no no no no no no no" He yawned and slipped deeper under his comforter. It wasn't long before he was asleep again.

Lucrezia Noin sighed. She leant down and soothed the boy's bangs. Sally had warned her about this, about overexerting him, yet she couldn't help it. He looked so cute lying there, like a little infant who had only now just learnt how to walk and wanted to explore the world. His eyes had gone so big when he saw her and his smile was so wide.

Noin took a cloth from the table and wiped the sweat off the boy's face. He looked so small and fragile; she couldn't believe he was twelve as Sally had calculated. He hadn't looked that old when she had found him either, but neither had the other boy, before they arrived at the base.

She sighed. The two boys had improved so much after they had gotten treatment. She had been worried when she had heard that this boy had caught a fever. He was the smaller of the two and the one who made her worry the most. Thank fully the fever had broken during the night. He was now only recovering.

Sally had given him something—Noin had forgotten the name of the drug—to calm him down and help him recover during treatment. Before the fever he had been very upset. Trauma, Sally had explained, from the explosion. He needed something to help him recover and calm him down but the drug Sally prescribed left him drained and childish. It was like he was only half there. It made her fear for his sanity but Sally said he would be okay once the treatment was over. Noin could only hope.

She watched the boy sleep and smiled fondly. The drugs had calmed him down alright. She gazed at him one last time before packing up and leaving. It was almost time for her shift to start and Clark would be pissed if she was late again.

* * *

><p>He sat up. The pain was growing weaker as he was getting stronger. He grunted when short bursts of ache shot through his stiff joints as he tried to relax them. He tested his legs and they too were feeling better. Stiff, but okay.<p>

He exhaled and leaned back on the headboard. There was a familiar buzzing in the back of his head he hadn't heard in what felt like a long time. He concentrated on it, trying to make the noise clearer. It was louder now, louder than it had ever been before, but didn't get much further because someone was approaching.

There was an earthy sent that smelled familiar. If smelled like fresh cut flowers and blue skies but also dirt and mud and leaves. Wilderness. It was like being a kid again, exploring the outdoors.

The smell intensified but so did the buzzing. He was confused because never in his life had the two been associated. The buzzing always preceded a spicy metallic scent. Gunfire and the heat created when a bullet was fired. Salty sweat with something sweet and warm underneath, but he never dared approach to find out what. That was when _he _came. Another person. A boy. The same as him yet completely different in more ways than one.

Could it have been _him_? Could the person approaching be _him_?

His stomach turned and all of a sudden he felt sick. He tried to fight off the nausea that came with the anxiety and anticipation.

"He—"

.

The door clicked open and a lady stepped inside. She didn't see him at first, too preoccupied with something inside her bag. She entered and closed the door behind her before she saw him. She jumped, smiled and walked over to the chair by the night table. She was smiling at him and this felt all too familiar, like he had lived this particular scene before in his life and he was re-living it now, though different somehow.

"Hello" She said and he nodded. There wasn't much else to do. He looked at her and thought that she was beautiful. She had dark blue black hair that fell on one side of her face. They matched her eyes, which he had thought to be black on sight but turned into dark blue on closer inspection. Her lips were red and bright. Bright like her smile and the floral top she wore. Bright like the room, which made him feel like a kid, and bight like the sun light that filtered though the room.

It was morning, he thought absently. He could hear birds chirping close by. A twig snapped and a squirrel scampered down below.

He knew this woman. He stared at her as she rumpled through her bag.

"I've got something for you. I didn't know if you'd be awake of not but I had hoped so. Sally said not to but I couldn't help it. Hospital food doesn't taste that good—" She smiled. "I've been in here plenty of times to know that—ah—" She pulled whatever it was out.

It was a juice box. She detached the straw and put it through the hole at the top before handing it to him.

"Here. This should make your throat feel a lot better. You weren't sounding good the last time."

He nodded, a little lost and took the drink. _The last time what?_

He sipped it and smiled. It was apple. He drank slowly. His throat was hot and rough and dry. It hurt a little when it went down but the coolness of the liquid soothed him. It helped and he wondered how she knew it would.

.

"You look better." She was talking again and he placed his attention back on her. "I was getting worried for a while there. Sally said…"

"Who—?" He croaked but stopped because he already knew who. A name popped into his head. "Lucrezia Noin" How he had known he couldn't remember. He only had a vague recollection of meeting her sometime in the past. How long in the past he didn't know. His memories were broken up into jigsaw pieces and scatter wildly about. Hide and seek he was good at, puzzles? Not so much.

She seemed to light up at the mention of her name.

"You remember?" She sounded surprised, then relived and sighed. "That's wonderful." She had been in there many times. Sometimes he slept through her whole visit but sometimes he woke up, always in the same childlike drug-induced state. He had never remembered her name before and almost always drifted off before she could draw him into any sort of extended conversation.

She looked at him staring at her and smiled.

"Now you know _my_ name but I don't have anything to call _you_ by. Can you tell me your name?"

His name? That would be more difficult. It felt like a long time had passed since he had used it or anyone had asked for it. He didn't remember right away and then it popped into his head like hers had moments before. He smiled, amused that he had almost forgotten his own name when _his_ name was always on his mind, on the tip of his tongue. Staring at the woman, he wondered how he could have ever thought she was _him_. She seemed sweet and harmless enough. She had even gave him a gift. He could easily give her his name?

"Duo" He squeaked, cleared his throat and tried again. "Duo Maxwell." The words felt strange coming out. It felt strange to speak. His mouth was slack and unused. He swiped his tongue across his chapped lips. His mouth tasted like apple juice but underneath was old blood and saliva. There was the powdery taste of crushed pills and, of course, morning breath.

He tried not thinking of the needles sticking out from his wrist or the urge to rip them out and run. He didn't think about the drip standing beside him or the hum of the hospital equipment in the room. Instead he focused on the woman beside him. She was speaking and smiling and made him calmer.

"…better sooner than expected. The whole team was all very worried about whether or not you two would make it when we brought you here but you seem okay now."

What was she talking about? He thought. She wasn't making any sense.

"'at—what happened?" That seemed like a good place to start.

.

Noin paused and sighed. She knew this was coming. "You were involved in an accident, an explosion of some kind, we're still not sure. We haven't figure out what caused it or how it happened. We've been investigating for a while now but still nothing." She watched him and went on, "We found the two of you in the building buried under some debris and badly injured. You were both taken here to get treated."

Duo listened carefully but she still wasn't making any sense. He remembered the explosion. He remembered running, falling and tripping. He remembered getting hit by something and then blacking out.

"Two of us?" He vaguely remembered another person there but not with him. _Two_. He felt sick again. _'the two of you'_.

"Yes. You and another boy. He was also badly hurt and we brought him hear with you." The buzzing was back in his mind, stronger, faster, closer.

"Is he…is he here?" He his gaze went toward the ceiling. All of a sudden it was freezing and he shivered as a chill ran down his spine. The nausea was back and so was the anxiety. He anticipated her next words and also dreaded it. He already knew the answer.

Noin nodded, slowly, watching the changes in the boy lying beside her. The sheets bunched up around his clenched fists and he was glaring at the ceiling. Something odd had come over him. She didn't know what.

She lay her a hand over his. He winced, glanced at her and tried to throw her hand off but she clamped down on it.

"Are you okay?" she was getting worried. "Should I call a nurse up?"

"Is he here?" He asked again. He needed to hear her say it. The nausea only intensified the longer he waited. The buzzing got louder and louder. He barely heard her say:

"Yes. He's here. In the room across the hall."

The room across the hall. Across the hall. _Across the Hall_. _Right there_. Duo had to see him. To see if he was still alive.

Duo didn't hear Noin as he got up from the bed. He ignored the pain and the throbbing of his legs as he tried to stand up. He swayed, his legs not yet accustomed to his weight after lying down for so long. Something held him back, wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him closer to it. He kicked and screamed and pushed until they loosened then dashed to the door. The room was small and it wasn't a long way to the door. It opened easily and there it was. _The room across the hall_. Where _he_ was. He stared at the door. This couldn't have been real.

He made his way across the short width of the hallway. Almost automatic he opened the door. This couldn't be real. He thought. He couldn't have…_he_ couldn't have…where was the professor? Where was G? Where was J? Why was _he_ here? When…when…

.

There was that glare. Those blue eyes stared back at him. His mind was swimming. He was falling and then he was lost in them. Gone. The anxiety was gone. The nausea floated away. The pain had faded. He had faded, until all that was left was blue. A cold crystal blue that seeped into his skin, through his joints and into his bones. It made his blood rush and chill at the same time. Blue clung to his throat making it impossible to speak or breathe or think. It swallowed him whole leaving nothing of himself behind. It was suffocating.

He was suffocating.

He was choking.

He needed to breathe.

He needed to scream.

And run before he completely lost himself.


	3. There

**Blue**

There

* * *

><p><strong>1b<strong>

"Is that him?" He pointed to the man in the picture. He was standing next to a young Noin. He had his arms around her and they were both laughing. "It that your husband?"

Noin nodded. "Yup. I think that was taken just after I enlisted. He already had his four stripes when we met." She looked at the picture, Duo looked at her. Her expression went soft, almost melancholy but not quite and Duo wondered what her training days had been like. Happy? Hard? Sad? Did she wish she could forget them? Like he did? Sometimes.

She chuckled and startled him. "We were so mischievous bad then. It's taboo to be in a relationship with a superior" She explained then leaned in and cupped her hand to the side of her mouth as if she was telling him a secret. "But we didn't care." She was laughing now. "We use to sneak out to all _kinds_ of places. We went to the movies a couple of times, got caught once when we were heading back. I had to wash the bathrooms for two months and help in the kitchens. It was _horrible_. I'm not that good at cleaning or cooking to tell you the truth." She made a face and sniggered.

Slowly, her laughter faded and she was different again. She stared at the picture again and rubbed her thumb against the image of her husband lovingly. It was intimate and a little sad. Duo wondered if he should've looked away.

"We were so young and in love back then." Her voice came out gentle and sounded like she was far off, "Sometimes it felt like we were the only ones that mattered and I didn't ever want him out of my sight." She smiled and it was like her voice; gentle. "I thought my love for him would consume me so that I would never be a part of him and we'd be together forever." She sighed and it took a while for her to come back. She laughed again and it was a little nervous-excited laugh that came out smooth and was pleasing to hear.

She was grinning at him now and asked:

"Do you have anyone you like?"

"I like you Noin." She laughed.

"Thank you Duo. I like you very much too, but that's not what I meant. Do you have anyone you love? Anyone you remember?" _From_ _before_? He appended and could almost laugh himself. There was no room for something as pointless and as ridiculous as love. What was love anyway but a foolish desire for foolish people which, in the end, only got you killed (or badly maimed if you were lucky).

He shook and told her this. She laughed again—he was starting to like her laugh; it was beautiful and made him want to laugh too—and told him that that was not necessarily true. Love was a beautiful and wonderful thing when shared and she hoped that one day he would find someone to share it with. He doubted it but didn't argue. He was getting bored and was tired of talking about love. They moved on to the next photo.

* * *

><p>"Ahhh"<p>

"Ahhh" He opened his mouth.

Tongue, under the tongue…

She threw the stick away in the trash can and told him to stay still as she examined his eyes…his ears…his chin. She asked him to stand for her and he did so and went through the motions when prompted.

"Does it hurt here?"

"No."

Knees? No. Legs? No. Arms? Wrist? No. No.

It went on like that for a couple of minutes before she asked him to sit back down on the gurney.

.

"Alright," she said, "everything seems to be in working order." She looked directly at him for the first time since the physical began and smiled. "You're a very lucky boy, Duo. It would take most people months to heal from something like what you through. I'm happy to say that you'll be out of here before you know it." She smiled at him again and turned back to her clip board.

Duo couldn't decide whether or not he liked Sally Po. She was his doctor and very good at her job, judging from all the certificates that hung in her office, but she always treated him like a kid. It was very annoying. The professor had never treated him like a kid. He made him feel important and like an adult. He knew things that adults didn't know and did things that most adults couldn't do. On the other hand she gave him candy after every check up so he couldn't always be annoyed with her.

Sally Po was the same height as Noin and also worked for the Preventers. She wasn't a pretty as Noin but she was pretty he supposed. She didn't wear much make up, but always enough to make her lips as red as cherries. Her eyes were blue, but much lighter than Noin's. Her hair was blonde and always in two big twists that he often had the urge to pull when she got too close.

.

"Nothing's bothering you?" She put down her clipboard. He had her full attention.

Duo swirled that caramel toffee in his mouth and shook his head no. Nothing out of the usual was bothering him anyway.

There was still buzzing in his head, which he had resolved never to tell her about, that seemed to be getting louder all the time. He tried to ignore it most of the time. He slept, read the books Noin had brought him. He loved it when Noin visited him. It made it easier to ignore the noise. She always found ways to distract him. He also liked visiting Sally. Really, he liked anywhere that wasn't anywhere near the room across the hall. The buzzing weakened as more distance was put between him and…the person who occupied the room across the hall.

He still had headaches, but that was caused by the buzzing. Separation would alleviate them. He still felt anxious and nauseous but he was growing strong enough to ignore those too.

His body was coming back to him. He was no longer in pain and could walk again. He was well enough to leave, should have left a long time ago, but there was that problem of having nowhere to go and no one to return to. The professor had never gone through this with him. He had never told him what to do if he died. Naturally, they had both assumed that Duo would have died before him as age didn't matter in their particular profession.

"Okay." She had grown used to this by now. Nothing was ever bothering him. "Do you remember anything?"

No.

"Nothing?" She looked disappointed.

They thought he had amnesia. He didn't feel the need to correct them.

"How about Heero—" Duo winced at the mention of _his _name. No doubt Sally noticed. She would be making notes about this in her journal later. "You still don't remember anything about him?"

That was another constant with both Sally and Noin. Neither of them knew anything about Heero at all. Apparently the other boy was staying silent also, but then again Heero had never been much for words. They had figured that the two boys knew each other. They were both at the lab, though on opposite sides, when the explosion happened…

It didn't take long for both women to notice how Duo reacted when Heero was brought up. There was always something small like wincing or freezing up or shutting his eyes, or gritting his teeth. He tried to control it but couldn't. Heero was the only thing about Duo that he couldn't control.

Duo knew that Noin was also paying regular visits to Heero and felt reassured in knowing that he was getting questioned too. Duo wondered if Heero reacted the same when they mentioned his name.

* * *

><p>Sally knocked on the door but didn't wait for a reply before entering the office. Chairwoman Une's office was large and well furnished. There were large ceiling-to-floor windows that always let in bright sunlight. There was a casual seating area on the left, a couch, two arm chairs and a coffee table. There were little things, like potted plants and fresh cut flowers, which made the office feel almost homely, yet the framed certificates and awards that hung on the wall gave it that professional feel.<p>

"Doctor Po." Lady Une greeted her from behind her desk.

"Chairwoman Une." Sally nodded a greeting to Noin who was seated in one of the arm chairs facing the director. Sally plopped down on the seat next to her. She placed both folders she had been carrying on the desk for the chairwoman to inspect.

"They're healing just fine." Sally went on without being prompted. "It's very peculiar really. I predicted at least four to five months but it looks like they'll be able to be discharged in a couple weeks. Duo still looks a little sickly though. I think he might develop another fever, I'm not sure yet." Sally crossed her arms in front of her chest, something she did when she was thinking.

"Oh?" Une flipped through the documents.

"I've never seen anything like it before. They were both defiantly battered and bruised when they arrived. I'd say they were just healthy but they're healing a little too fast. Heero's leg was broken. He had two cracked ribs, a fractured wrist and a twisted ankle. Duo was in a similar state. It should've taken months but it's only been one so far. I'd say they would have already been set to leave if that incident three weeks ago, the one where Duo went into Heero's room, hadn't occurred. That is also odd. They only saw each other and, from Agent Noin's reports, they both had severe panic attacks. I've never seen this before." She reiterated.

"There's something strange about their blood. It's thicker than normal and darker. I believe it's been mixed with another substance, but my lab hasn't figured out exactly what yet, though we do have a theory. We're going to have to run more tests to be sure but we're sure it's nanites. That's the only explanation, as improbably as it is. We believe that somehow the Doctors have found a way to implant them in a living human body and have the nanites function properly."

Une was looking at her now and Sally went on.

"This is completely uncharted territory. We thought they were just normal boys when they first came in. We only took miniscule samples. We'd have to do the tests to be sure but if we are." If only her lab could somehow prove that nanotechnology could be used effectively and that wasn't all just science fiction nonsense…If only they had access to such technology. It would revolutionize both the scientific and medical communities, not to mention the whole Preventer organization. They could build better, stronger, faster soldiers and would be more affective in policing the Earth and the colonies.

"I think it's time for physical therapy. Like I said, they're healing nicely, and we could run tests on how the possible nanites affect their ability to function."

Une nodded. Sally knew she was thinking the same thing she was, though perhaps less impressed with the Doctors than Sally was. The Preventer Organization was her child, both figuratively and literally. It had been started by both the chairwoman and her late husband who had served as the chairman before she took over the organization. Une was always seeking new ways to improve the organization. It was one of many qualities Sally, and many others, admired about her.

.

"Agent Noin?"

"There was nothing at the lab." Noin began. "We couldn't find anything of any importance in the rubble. The explosion had wiped out most of the lab and the fire had burned down the rest but we think we have a lead. There is evidence of another location in which one of the Doctors', J, we think, frequented. We think it was his personal lab, judging from how frequent he went there. Either that or his home." Noin shrugged. "Really the only leads we have are those boys."

"And they still don't recall anything?"

"No but I'm sure they know more than they're letting on." Sally nodded. "I'm sure they remember each other." Noin went on. "That day, three weeks ago, when I told Duo about Heero I'm sure he knew who I was talking about. I didn't say his name but he became very still, almost frightened. I'm positive they remember each other after that. He practically ran to Heero when I told him about how we had found another boy in the building but I don't think they'll tell us anything."

Noin sighed. "I've spent a lot of time with both of them these past few weeks and I have to say, they're not bad kids. I think they're a little lost though. I'm positive the Doctor's took care of them. We haven't found any family members, not even a long lost aunt. There haven't been any missing children that fit their description. I've had Jack check the records dating all the way back to eight years ago but nothing." She shook her head.

"They need someone to take care of them. They're only twelve." She was begging now and she would have to choose her next words very carefully. She had never been able to stay detached when children were involved.

"Agent Noin, you do understand that it is against preventer code, and highly unwise to become too attached to any person or persons involved in the investigation? You have already been informally visiting those boys. I've heard reports of you bringing them gifts even."

Une's piercing brown eyes were now trained on her. Noin took a moment to calm herself and let the feeling of being dissected pass. This wasn't the first time the Chairwoman had scrutinized her, she doubted it would be the last, though she doubted she would ever get used to it. It felt like those eyes had the power to see through you, and into you. Une knew everything that went on in her organization. It was how she liked to run things. She was like a mother with eyes in the back of her head and always knew if you had taken a cookie from the jar when you weren't suppose to.

"Yes, Chairwoman, I understand." Noin wouldn't give in, "I wasn't suggesting that I take care of them but nevertheless we can't just leave them in the hospital forever. Sally said they would be able to be discharged soon and I have spoken to a few people who would be more than willing to take them in. They're all connected to the organization in some way and we wouldn't have to worry about security issues communications issues that could arise if we put them in some foster home. The boys are also part of the investigations so it would be beneficial to us if we were to still have some connection with them. Social Services won't be so keen on us hanging around them when they're discharged."

Noin gave Une a look of her own. Relief washed over her and she let out a breathe she didn't know she was holding when Une sighed, indicating her to go on.

* * *

><p>The room, like all others at this time, was dark. Shades and shadows of furniture stretched along the floor and the walls. The window was open and the boy stared out at the clear night sky and the glowing moon which could not be seen from his own room across the hall. It was bright and beautiful and frightening. He always felt like it would swallow him whole if he stared at it for too long.<p>

The boy made his way towards the single bed on the other side of the small room, right where he knew he would find the other. Duo looked small lying there, smaller than usual but then again, even though they were the same age, he had always been smaller than Heero, though not by much. J had always told Heero that he looked younger than his age, Duo even more so. And lying there, on the bed, he looked far younger than his twelve years. He looked so pale and fragile and breakable like a worn toy. It would be very easy for Heero to place his hands around that slender neck and squeeze then _SNAP_! He doubted it would take much effort. Or time.

Without thinking, Heero placed a hand on Duo's pale neck. He traced the path from the chin to the base of Duo's throat.

_Thump._

_Thump._

_Thump._

He pressed his finger down hard on the dip between both clavicles. The pulse was stronger, faster. He wanted to press down harder, and harder, passed the flesh and into warmth of the blood underneath. Instead he stopped and breathed in, then out. He traced his finger back up the neck, to the center, and smoothed his hand over the soft skin.

He stared, transfixed. Duo's skin was so soft and pale and bright in the scant light. His neck was so thin and looked so fragile, so _breakable_. All Heero would have to do was squeeze and that was it. Duo would be gone. And so would the noise and the buzzing and the sickness. Gone. Vanished. And he would be free of all this. Finally, at last. _Free_…

.

"Why don't you stop me?"

"Why don't you just do it?"

.

Duo's response hardly came as a surprise. Heero knew Duo too was suffering from the same illness. He felt the nausea, the anxiety, the anticipation and terror of seeing the other. He knew Duo heard the buzzing. It was like white noise and tolerable only when they were apart. It stayed in the back of his mind like a hazy memory, more often like an annoying fly that wouldn't go away.

It was different when they were close. It was loud and deafening like a swarm of locus and scrambled his thoughts and feelings and consumed him. All of him. Until he was swept away by the angry violet storm, faded and was gone. Not himself. Not anyone.

Heero took another deep breathe. Had it been this warm when he first entered the room? He wondered. His mind was swarming. The buzzing was getting louder and louder. It pushed itself into the edged of his mind and into every nook and cranny, seeping into his consciousness.

"Heero do it. Kill me." Duo forced the words out of his mouth, quick before the buzzing took over and he would forget. He stared at the ceiling and lay there, trying to keep as still as he could, trying to overcome every tremor that shook his body. He didn't look at Heero. Wouldn't. "_Do it_." He didn't want to be consumed by the blue. "_Do It._" He didn't want to fade away. "DO IT!"

He was screaming. He knew he was screaming. He could feel the vibrations in his throat! There was air in his lungs! _Something_ was coming out of his mouth. He knew even as sound faded.

The next to go was sight as the ceiling faded. Touch he clung to. He felt the suffocating dampness and humidity that seeped into his skin, into his throat and made everything blue and blur. It was cold. It was hot. It was cold and then hot and cold and hot and cold until he was in the place where hot and cold melted together, where they was both and neither at the same times.

.

"DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT" The words repeated in his head even though sound was gone. It was strong. Stronger than the violet and the buzzing. Texture had faded but pressure was still there he thought. Maybe. He tried. He tried to squeeze but pressure was fading too and it wasn't long before touch finally left him.

In the end the last sense to go was smell. A strong pungent odor he couldn't identify. There was the cool, sterile scent of a lab that always sent shivers down the back of his neck. There was the stale and metallic scent that reminded him of sterilized and carefully sharpen needles.

There was an earthy sent that lingered and smelled familiar, like fresh cut flowers and blue skies but also dirt and mud and leaves. Wilderness. It was like being a kid again.

A mild and pleasant scent that floated to the top like bubbles. Blistering cold steel like the blade of a dangerous knife that lay underneath. And below still a sweet alluring scent that had always fascinated him, but he never dared approach to discover more.

_Everything was fading. Everything was going._

.

.

Spicy and metallic. Gunfire and the heat created when a bullet was fired. Salty sweat with something sweet and warm underneath, but he never dared approach to find out what.

He was suffocating. He was chocking. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't run. The blue was too thick, too bright, too strong to resist. It had spread too far. He was fading.

.

.

_Violet._

_A scorching violet that made everything hot and made everything melt._

_He didn't know if he was drowning or melting but it didn't make any difference._

_He was fading._

.

He was disappearing.

.

.

_He was disappearing. _

.

.

He wasn't himself anymore.

.

.

_He wasn't Heero anymore_.

.

.

He wasn't Duo anymore.

.

_He wasn't anything._

.

He wasn't anything.

.

_He was nothing._

.

He was nothing.

.

_Nothing_

Nothing

_Nothing_

Nothing

_Nothing_


	4. Not a Kid

**Blue**

**Not a kid**

* * *

><p><strong>2a.<strong>

Noin's next visit was on Wednesday. Duo remembered because it was cold that day. The curtains were drawn open and the cold air seemed to seep into the room and coat everything in a layer of frigid coolness. He had slept most of the day away under the warm covers, waking up every now and then, and had only gotten up to go to the bathroom once. Noin had come in the afternoon he thought. He wasn't so sure. The sky was overcast and white with clouds and unchanging throughout the day. Rain fell every now and then, stopping for a couple minutes at a time then continuing for a couple more hours.

The click of the door woke Duo up and he sat up once he saw that it was Noin.

"Duo" she greeted. "How are you today?" She was seated in her usual seat, in the chair by the bed. He yawned and told her he was fine, like he always was. Noin smiled like she always did and Duo thought there was something different about it, something missing in it.

There was a moment of silence in which it was clear that Noin was debating over what to say next. She didn't look at him and fiddled with her hands, a nervous habit she had admitted to and something she rarely did when she was with him. He wondered if she would ask. He would have told her, if she asked. If he was truthful with himself he would admit that he wanted to tell her. A month had passed and he was still here. He knew that there was nothing left of his old life and Duo was never one to sit around all day waiting for something to happen. With the healing of his body almost complete restlessness was starting to set in. He had to leave. He had to get out of the hospital. He had to go…He had to…Where _did_ he have to go?

With a sigh she said:

"Duo, about the other night—"

"Noin?" He didn't want to go there. Not yet. "How's the investigation? Did you find out anything new?"

She became silent again at the mention of the investigation and gave him a look that wasn't quite pity, maybe sympathy or something akin to it. He tried not to get mad—tired not to show that he was mad, like he often did when she made that face. Duo Maxwell did not need anyone pitying him. He could take care of himself as well as any adult could.

Noin sighed again. She seemed to be doing that a lot recently.

"It's going fine Duo. Nothing much has changed anyway. Why do you ask?" She asked and there was something in her voice that told him she thought it was an odd question. Maybe it was. Maybe there was something in _his_ voice that suggested that there was something wrong. Maybe it was because he wouldn't look her in the eye or because of what happened the night before. Duo didn't know.

Duo didn't think it was an unusual question. He'd asked about the investigation the preventers were conducting on the Doctors more than once. He sometimes brought it up when he was curious or bored but always paid attention, granted he paid more attention to Noin herself than what she was actually saying but he got the gist of what was going on.

From what Noin had told him, they were no closer finding out the cause of the explosion or what the Doctors had been doing before it. She had told him yesterday morning that the team had discovered something new and possibly crucial. She hadn't told Duo what exactly.

Sally Po had also visited him that afternoon. Not unusual, but peculiar considering she had given him a check up the day before yesterday. She had taken his blood. He didn't know why because there was no need to, though he did have an idea. His wounds—the ones she knew of—were purely physical but Sally Po was a scientist, like the Doctors. He knew she would find, if she hadn't already, the cause of his abnormal health, how exactly his body could repair itself so quickly. Maybe she already knew, maybe she didn't. Duo could only guess, though his guesses tended, more often than not, to be dreadfully accurate. He wondered if that too was a result of his mechanical-self or some innate sense of intuition completely unique to himself.

.

"I can help you."

"What?" She began as her mind processed what he had said, "Duo—"

"I want to help. I'm—"

"Duo, no." She placed her hand on his. "Duo, please. No. You're too young."

"I—"

"No." She said like that was the end of it and squeezed his hand. Duo glared at her. This wasn't what he wanted. Why wasn't she listening? He had the information she needed. The investigation could've been completed in far less time than it would take them to finish if she would only let him—

"Duo," she called his name soft, like she always did when she was trying to wake him up or when she was trying to bring him back from his own thoughts.

He closed his eyes and tried to control himself. He didn't want to get angry at Noin so they talked about other things.

.

"Noin? What's going to happen to me and Heero?" He asked. They couldn't keep them in the hospital forever and the two boys had nowhere to go. They had no parents, no families, no relatives, no nothing. He wondered if they were going to put them in foster care or some other type of program similar to it. He hoped they wouldn't. He hoped Noin wouldn't. She was the closest thing he had to a friend and he liked her. It would be sad not to see her again.

Her eyes widened in surprise, and then narrowed and hardened. Concern mixed with relief.

One of the things Duo loved about Noin was how expressive she was. She wasn't the type to hide her emotions. They played out on her features and in the way her body moved. Any person could read what she was feeling at any single moment if they knew where to look. Her lips curled up and her eyes narrowed a little when she was happy or amused and about to laugh. They tightened and her whole face hardened when she was serious. Her eyes narrowed and sometimes it was in that same gentle way. Sometimes it wasn't. She didn't exactly freeze, but her body stiffened and she seemed taller somehow—bigger, like now.

"Duo, both you and Heero are going to be okay I _promise_ that. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you. _Either_ of you." When she spoke, the words came out tense, her voice strained—with what exactly Duo didn't know but there was an edge in her voice that reacted with something in him—he didn't know _what_—and gave a vague sense of recollection that flicked on and went out in a blink. It was a nameless, formless haze of emotion that rose from deep inside somewhere—deep inside himself?—and felt old like the old discolor photographs that lay in the back of photo albums or in-between the yellowed pages of the little tattered books that people liked to carry with them and depicted old people and old places and old feelings and ideas that are long gone but have left a residue of themselves in places where you can't reach and in the form of this feeling, this haze.

It made him sick but it was different from the sickness that came from Heero and more like the sickness that came from the hurt of loosing G but this had nothing to do with G. It was something before G, something he had forgotten and was coming back—_no_. Not coming back. Making itself known. But what _was_ _it_? what was it…? Duo blinked and breathed. He would analyze this later.

"I've been talking to a few people and some of them would like to meet you." Noin continued, "There's one person I think you'll like. Her name's Helen. She used to work for the preventers but she's retired now. She already has a daughter who's a bit older than you, but she says she won't mind having another—"

"I want to join the Preventers."

"Duo…" Her grip on his hand tightened.

"I can help! I can help you with your investigation. I know where the labs are and I know how to get in. I can _help_. Noin, I can do it. I can tell you everything. I'm not—"

"I'm sure you can, Duo, but you're just too young. This isn't a game. I don't know what you did while you were with _them_ but whatever _they_ told you, whatever _they_ did to you, Duo you're still a kids. You're only twelve years old. We can't have you running around with the—"

"I'm not just a kid!" He shouted. "I can do things Noin. I can do a lot of things. Things that even adults can't. I'm strong. G said so. I don't need someone to take care of me. I can take care of myself just fine. I don't need you or Sally or G or this Helen lady to look after me! I—"

With one hand on his chin, she tilted his head up. The other lightly combed through his hair, smoothing over and pulling back stray strands. "What is up with the two of you?" She asked but it wasn't really a question. Both her hands cupped his face, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "First Heero," Duo's left eye twitched, "now you." Noin smiled that sad pitying smile that made him mad but he let her continue. "Duo. I know. I know you can take care of yourself. You're stronger than you look. Okay, but you're still a kid, Duo, you're only _twelve_ _years_ _old_." She laugh-sighed. "What kind of adult would I be if I—if I ignored that? Duo, you're a kid. I'm the adult. Let me act like one." She hugged him. "Let me take care of you."

Duo stilled, stunned. What was he suppose to do now? Hug her back? Stay still? Would she be offended if he didn't hug her? Then, tentatively, he let his hands cling to the sides of her Preventers jersey and they stayed like that until Noin pulled back. He tried not to think about how warm she was or of the new feelings bubbling inside of him. She held him at half her arm's length and asked:

"Are you serious?" For a moment, Duo stared at her, taking in what she had just said and then nodded.

"I want to join Preventers."

"Will you tell me about what's going on between you and Heero?"

He hesitated before nodding.

Her eyes dropped and it was clear she didn't want this. In spite of herself she gave him a curt nod and said "I'll talk to the Chairwoman about it."

Then she left.

.

Duo liked Noin. He liked talking to her and he liked her talking back. He liked being around her and looking at her and liked the way she told him stories and brought him little gifts. But sometimes…sometimes she brought things out of him, made him feel things he didn't know or like. He thought that sometimes it was better without Noin because without her he didn't have to deal with all these things he didn't know or want or like.

.

* * *

><p>.<p>

It was a week before Noin came back with an answer and Duo was certain it was afternoon this time. The sun was high in the sky and beat down on him from his spot on the bench. The day had started out sunny and Duo, having been in his room for most of the week, decided to take a walk through the hospital grounds. He stopped in the courtyard and had lunch, a sandwich one of the hospital cafeteria ladies made him (they had grown fond of him from his more than frequent visits and made his lunch almost every day in exchange for a visit) and had grown too lazy to move so he curled down for a nap, letting the sun warm him and cover him. Noin found him there two hours later.

"Duo, wake up. We have to go." A hand petted him, flattening down his hair. It was a good thing Noin smelled so good, he thought and officially woke up. He wondered if she would be this relaxed around him when he told her.

"Did she—"

Noin sighed and nodded. Her expression morphed into the same tired look she had given him a week ago but Duo couldn't be bothered by it this time. He had gotten what he wanted.

The walk to the meeting room was a relatively lengthy one. They went through full hallways and empty hallways and up and down elevators. It wasn't long before they were out of the hospital and into the main building (Preventers Headquarters was composed of many different buildings and sites, Duo had learned from one of his many conversations with Noin. The hospital was its own building but also connected, like most buildings, to many others though a labyrinth of lengthy passageways and corridors. The main building was in the heart of the base and housed offices, laboratories, training facilities and other rooms so secret Noin couldn't tell him) and in and out and up and down all over again.

Throughout their journey, Noin talked and talked and talked. Most of it was about etiquette and what to expect from this meeting-slash-interrogation and how to behave in front of the chairwoman Une. How you should always look her in the eyes and hold your position and how it was very important not to get intimidated by her—and if Duo didn't know better he'd have thought Noin was actually frightened of the lady. All this talking held Duo's attention for about the five minutes before he started thinking of just how different Noin looked in her uniform. She had always worn a sundress or other casual clothes when she visited him. Sometimes she wore her Preventers jacket. She looked bigger in her uniform, taller, and more imposing then she ever had while in civilian clothing…

.

"Duo?" Noin paused. She had stopped in front of a door with her hand on the doorknob about to turn it when she noticed Duo wasn't with her anymore. Noin turned around and there he was, frozen at the corner of the hall. He was pale and looked terrified she thought. _What_ _happened_?

"Duo? What's wrong?" She slowly moved towards him, careful not to frighten him any further. "What's wrong?" She asked again and as she was about to put her hand on his shoulder, he slapped it away, glaring at her and then at the door which opened only moments later. Sally stood in the doorway with another boy behind her.

"Heero?" Heero didn't look at her and simply glared at the Duo.

It was happening again, she thought. Whatever _it_ was it was happening all over again. Noin looked to Sally and was met with the same alarmed expression that told her the other woman was thinking along the same lines. Silently she hoped that Sally had an idea to fix this.

"Is everything alright out there?" Noin cursed under her breathe. She hadn't thought the chairwoman had arrived yet. The meeting was to officially begin in twenty minutes time. The Chairwoman always arrived on time. She had other appointments and meeting and rarely was she early for one. Was she that interested in the boys? Noin hadn't believed it when she agreed to both Heero and Duo's proposals and so quickly at that.

"ah—" Sally cleared her throat, "Chairwoman Une, I think it would better if we moved the meeting to room I-12. "

"_I-12_?" the voice inside questioned. "Dr. Po, that's all the way in the east wing." Her voice was stern but she sounded curious, suspicious. This was supposed to be the interrogation of two hospitalized children who had information that could likely help the investigation progress much faster than it already was. A regular meeting room would have been fine so why was her head Physician insisting that they move into one of the official interrogation rooms and specifically I-12, on such short notice?

Noin's gaze leveled on Sally, her eyes had the same question in them but Sally shook her head. She couldn't answer now. She only had a feeling about this and didn't know if this would even work. She placed a hand on Heero's head and when the boy shrugged her away she grabbed him and lifted him up so he looked like an oversized toddler in her arms. He thrashed around but she held on as tight as she could. She motioned for Noin to do the same.

"It's just a hunch but I think this might work. My team's been experimenting with something we think might help." There was a pause, a sigh, and then the buzz of activity, papers shuffling, and chairs moving, before the chairwoman said:

"Very well. This interrogation will commence thirty minutes from now, in room I-12."

Sally nodded. "Thank you Chairman Une."

Sally motioned for Noin to go first with Duo. She would take Heero.

.

.

Room I-12 was located in the east wing of building 301 and was separated from its sister, room E-12, by a one-way mirror. Room I-12 was white and bare save an overhead light, a small square table and the four chairs that sat around it. There were cameras hidden and positioned in a way as to capture every possible angle of the room and every possible move the occupants made and sent packets of data to the many computers in room E-12 in the form of heat, inferred, and visual images to be viewed, processed, and analyzed. The room had one of the best, if not _the_ best, surveillance systems in preventers. Preventer's security was at its finest in and out of the room because although room I-12 was almost never used it had held some of the most cunning and coldblooded criminals known to preventers.

Duo hadn't like the room from the moment he stepped foot in it.

Noin led him to the table and sat him down. They had taken a detour to the cafeteria and Noin purchased a variety of snacks and sweets. She had given him a juice box and a smile and Duo was thankful she hadn't said anything. They had then made their way to room I-12 with Noin explaining how they would be in that room while Sally and the Une and other agents would be in the other room and how all Duo had to do was answer their questions. She didn't mention Heero or how he had blacked out just moments ago.

It had come as a shock because even though Duo now knew Heero would be joining them (he doubted Sally would let the chance of experimenting on them pass) Duo still jumped when the door opened and Heero and his dark hair and glowering blue eyes and clenched fists entered the room. He didn't dare move when those eyes turned to him and matched the other boy's glare with one of his own. Noin was by Heero's side the moment he entered and tried, in vain, to get him to move closer so he could sit at the table. He didn't move, and instead—Duo flinched and drew back when he did this—sat cross-legged on the floor beside the door. Noin handed him a juice box also and a box of sweets similar to the box that was sitting in front of Duo. Noin returned to her seat beside Duo and for a few seconds there was nothing but silence, tense and uneasy. The tension was thick in the air, overpowering and so suffocating it was a wonder no one chocked. What disturbed Noin was how the two boys watched and reacted to each other. They were wary of each other, extremely cautious and in movement as well. When one boy moved another would flinch and draw back as if they were in a standstill in a fight, each boy waiting for the other to make a move. This wasn't right, she thought to herself. Two young boys should not have to have this much hatred, this much _fear_, between them. Not the first time, Noin felt hot anger bubble up inside her. She hated the Doctors for what they had done to these boys.

"Heero? Duo? Are you guys okay in there?" Sally's voice was coming from all over and the boys, startled, broke their stare for a second to glance at the mirror but said nothing. Noin nodded for Sally to continue. She was there as a mediator and to break off any fights or physical confrontations—judging from how they were regarding each other Noin doubted that would be the case.

Sally continued by restating the purpose of the meeting and went on to introduce the key figures that were in the room with her. There were a couple agents who were part of the investigation and Chairwoman Une.

"Are you feeling alright? Not lightheaded? No headaches?"

.

He was going to fade. Any second now, he was going to fade away. He knew it. His breath came out short and uneven as he let the anxiety take over him. Nausea swam in his belly, slowly clawing its way up into his throat. His vision blurred but he hadn't lost sight, not yet. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to scream but stayed frozen under the careful watch of those blue eyes. He wondered if Heero was feeling it too, the begging of the sickness.

"Duo? Heero?—"

_Why did she have to call _his_ name?_ His mind screamed. Why did she have to torment him like that? With _his_ name…the name of the person who did this to him. It was all _his_ fault. _He_ was the one who brought on the sickness and the buzzing and the…the—

The buzzing…

"wha—"

Slowly, Duo brought a hand up to touch his ears. They were soft and flexible and he shivered from the cold touch of his fingers. He could still feel, still touch. He looked about the room in new wonder, taking everything in as if it were the first time he was really seeing it. The room hadn't changed. It was still white and bare and there was Heero sitting on the floor five feet in front of him. Touch, sight…

But it was quiet, _too quiet_, so surly sound was—no. There was the _tap_ _tap_ _tap_ of Noin's short, clean cut nails on the surface of the table. There was the hum of the air conditioner and a faint murmur and scratching of noise that floated through the speakers that seemed to be everywhere in the room.

Wilderness, apples, candy, cookies mixed with gunfire and salt and sweat and steel that faded into the prickly sterilized scent that seemed to cling to _him_—to Heero. His mouth was too dry to taste anything.

Touch, sight, sound and smell. They were all there.

There was no buzzing either. Nothing save the nausea, anxiety, anticipation and if he were to be honest with himself—fear. He didn't understand but the more he thought about it the more his head hurt. It was a dull pounding that had seeped into his mind without his knowing and stayed there _throb_ _throb_ _throbing_ like the steady beat of a drum.

.

In what seemed like a nanosecond something new had happened and the tension in the room subsided. Noin watched in curiosity (she was sure she wasn't the only one who was curious) as both boy's seemed to be lost in their own worlds. They were touching things such as skin and clothing and looking around the room. Duo had even closed his eyes and sniffed—sniffed what exactly she did not know. Noin threw a look at the mirror and then at the boy beside her.

"Heero? Duo?" Sally's voice flooded the room, "Is everything alright?" She sounded excited, eager about something. Just what exactly did she mean by bringing them all the way to I-12 in the first place? What had her team found out during experimentation and was it harming the boys? Though they didn't look hurt Noin never knew when it came to the boys. Appearances weren't everything. She knew that well.

"Duo?" carefully, Noin placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. He tensed, and then turned to her. He blinked.

"I don't understand." He muttered and if it wasn't for the silence in the room, Noin doubted she would've been able to hear him so clearly.

"Don't understand what?" She asked but she had already lost him again. "Duo, don't understand _what_?"

"We can't be together." Heero. She turned to him. He was looking straight at her, puzzled, like she knew the answer to a question he probably wouldn't tell her if she asked. His response both intrigued and shocked her. She wasn't sure she had heard him right the first time.

"What do you mean you 'can't be together'." He shrugged.

"We can't be together. We're not supposed to be together." He glanced at Duo and then back to Noin. _Not supposed to be together?_

"I'm not sick…" Duo muttered again.

"Heero, can you explain?" Sally's voice filtered through the speakers "What do you mean you can't be together? Did the Doctor's make it so you two couldn't be in physical contact or—" Heero shook his head.

"They were trying to fix it." He went on in that same puzzled speech, "They were trying to make it go away…"

"Make what go away?"

"The sickness." Duo was staring at her now.

"What sickness? Are you sick?"

"No." He shook his head. "No…" That's what he didn't get.

"They were trying to make it go away…"

"I'm not _sick_…" They were rambling, mostly muttering to themselves now. She had lost them again. She needed to them to tell her what was happening to them, and what had happened. She needed to understand.

"I think it's time you both explained what this is all about. What's happening—what's _happened_ between you two?" She tightened her grip on Duo's shoulder and sent a look to Heero. "You promised. _both_ of you" She looked them in the eyes and held their gaze until she thought they were listening. "We need to know."

The boys looked at each other and flinched and recoiled from each other. It was like they had forgotten that the other was still there and in a second the tension was back, though not as strong and though less intense, the fear was still there.

Duo was the first to speak.

"We can't be together, the two of us." He echoed Heero's words. "There's something wrong with our bodies. Whenever we're close to each other we…we" he tried to think of the word, but what words could explain _this_? "…get sick. We lose our senses. Sometimes they leave all at once, sometimes it takes a while and then…nothing"

"Lose your senses?" He nodded.

"You know seeing, hearing, smelling, touching—"

"—and then you pass out?" He wanted to laugh. _pass_ _out_? It was more than just passing out. He faded. He became _nothing_. "Like what happened almost a month ago? And last week? You both…I—I don't understand…" How could a person lose their five basic senses? Noin had never heard anything of the sort before. Did they become blind, deaf mutes? And what about touching and tasting?

"we—our bodies shut down." Heero tried to explain. "The J and G, they thought it was something to do with the nanobots."

"Nanobots?" Sally was speaking again. This was what her lab was researching. So far they had yet to find a single robot but they hadn't lost hope. They just needed time and better microscopes.

Heero nodded.

"The nanobots don't only repair our bodies; they enhance everything, which includes out senses. They make us faster, stronger. It's not only our senses that get messed up. Everything else goes too." It was like unplugging a computer. Once the power shut off, they ceased to function. Not only did their bodies crash, they also lost touch with reality.

"Everything?" Both Heero and Duo nodded though it wasn't completely true. Not everything went. For Heero it was the Violet stayed, for Duo, Blue.

"G and J, they were trying to fix it. They didn't know exactly what was wrong with us." Duo said. "They tried everything they could think of." He shrugged, "but nothing worked. They died trying." G always said Duo was going to be the death of him. Duo didn't like to think about the pang in his chest when he thought of G so he gave a little nervous giggle.

"They were working on the—your, um, problem when they died? Was that the cause of the explosion?"

"I don't know what caused the place to blow up. Everything was fine one minute and the next minute I'm out.". He didn't know what happened.

"Heero?" Heero shook his head. He didn't know either. Sally signed.

"Tell us more about your um, sickness."

"We told you. Everything goes. We shut down."

"Yes, but do you feel anything? Does something happen before you pass out?"

Duo stared at the mirror and hesitated. _How did she…?_

"When…when Heero's around I get this annoying buzzing in my head and it gets louder when he's close. And then I start to lose my senses, like I said, until everything goes."

"A buzzing? Like sound?" Duo thought about it and shook his head.

"No. it's…like how some of the really old TVs go black and white or like scribbles."

"Scribbles?" he nodded.

"Yeah, like scribbles. Like scribbling all over a piece of paper except the paper's my mind. When it comes I can't think about anything other than the buzzing—the scribbles…"

"When you're about to fade you lose the part of you that _can_ think and you can't remember what you were doing or thinking." Heero added quietly. "It always happens before I can get him." He muttered the last part but Noin caught it.

"Before you can what?"

"Before I can kill him." He sent an accusatory glare at Duo. Noin looked on flabbergasted.

"k—_kill?_" She sounded like she had had the wind knocked out of her. Was he serious? He couldn't have meant—but Heero nodded.

"You have tried to kill him?"

"Yes." Heero said as if it was nothing.

"_Why_?"

"It's the only way to make it stop." The more she heard out of him the harder she had believing that she was hearing him right. Noin stared wide-eyed and then turned her gaze to Duo. He had his hands clenched and was glaring at the other boy.

"It's not like I haven't been trying either." He muttered and there so much malice in his voice. Noin placed a hand on his shoulder in an effort to calm him as well as to steady herself. Were these boys really trying to kill each other? It was ridiculous. She couldn't believe it, shouldn't have been able to believe it but there was evidence of this. She thought back to that day a month ago. When she had told Duo of Heero's whereabouts the boy had ran out of the room and launched himself at the other boy. He had the same malicious glare he had on now but had gone down screaming before he could've done any damage to Heero. In the similar incident a little more than a week ago the two boys had been found unconscious in the Duo's room. Duo was in bed while Heero lay on the floor. It looked like he had collapsed. When the nurse examined the boys she found marks that weren't-quite-bruises in the shape of tiny hand prints on Duo's neck. They had mysteriously disappeared hours later, no doubt due to the boy's ability to heal rapidly.

Then she had a thought. They couldn't have thought this up themselves.

"Did the Doctors tell you this? That killing each other was the only way to get rid of the—the buzzing?"

Both boys looked at her processing what she had just said. Duo wanted to laugh but couldn't bring himself to and as a result his facial features contorted to an expression of pained amusement.

"They wouldn't even let us in the same room after it started…" He thought back to how cautious G and J always seemed to be when they met. He would rarely see Heero during those visits. Sometimes he wouldn't have seen him at all. But he always felt the other boy. He always knew he was near and it drove him crazy.

"We thought of it." It was a mutual agreement, though neither of them had discussed it prior. Duo had been the first to attempt anything and when that failed Heero had gotten the idea and the next attempt was his. Finding opportunities had been difficult since, after the first three attempts, both G and J started getting nervous and wouldn't let them within a mile of each other. It had gotten to the point where when the doctors met one of the boys would be on a job. A chance of the two meeting was uncommon, rare. Slowly the animosity between the two was beginning to dwindling and then the explosion happened. That day was the first time in years the two had felt each other…and also the day there were to lose everything.

Duo told Noin all of this except for the last part. He had never told anyone what G was to him. He had never told anyone how much he looked up to G, how much he loved him. Not Heero, not Noin; partly because he saw it as a weakness and partly because she had never really asked about him. Duo couldn't understand why she hated G so much. G had never used him. G had never lied to him.

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

**.**

**(**A/N: **So this chapter is really difficult to get down in words. I'm still working on the side B. It's not gonna be as boring as this one hopefully. really sorry to whoever actually reads this that it took so long.

also I know that so far it's "Duo love Noin" but it is 1x2 I promise (to you and myself XD) and their not really 17 yet but they will be. I wasn't really planning on dragging the time period for so long. =(

also also. I just realized I keep writing Doctors when I mean (sometimes) scientist...but really they are Doctors i guess =/...

****)**


	5. Not an Adult

**Blue**

**2b.****Not an Adult**

* * *

><p>"When you say job, you mean the Doctors had you boys work for them?" This was another voice. It came through the speakers and was obviously female but was too low and stiff to be Sally's. It startled both boys and they stared at the mirror. They had forgotten there were others.<p>

"Who are you?" Noin gave a little gasp hissed Duo's name under her breath, but the speaker was unperturbed. She cleared her throat and introduced herself.

"My name is Lady Une and it's very nice to meet you both."

"Oh. Hello. I'm Duo. Are you really going to let us join?" He asked as Noin fidgeted beside him.

"Yes of course. The board has already decided and I see no reason in not letting you two join. Now, Mr. Maxwell—"

"You can call me Duo." This Une lady didn't seem so bad.

"Alright, Duo than. You say the Doctors had you work for them?" Duo nodded, though it was only G he actually listened to, he didn't see the need to correct her. "What kind of work did they have you do?"

"Lots of things." He said, trying to think of how to tell her. "My main job was to keep the house clean since he was away a lot, but I didn't really mind that much. And sometimes—most of the time actually, now that I think about it, I got to help out the lab."

"What kind of help?"

"Sometimes G sent me out to collect information. I was a…" What was the word G used? "—a shadow! Yeah. I only had to follow them."

"Them?" Une asked for clarification though she already knew who the boy was referring to.

"People who had information," came Duo's vague answer. In truth he didn't know how to refer to them. They were just people to him whom G had told him to follow. Une accepted it though and chose to move on.

"And other times?" Duo shrugged.

"Other times he just told me to kill them." He spoke the words in the same flat voice Heero had used just moments earlier when speaking of attempting to murder Duo. There was a pause and Duo chose to elaborate. He told the chairwoman about some of the people he'd killed and how. He told her about the time he had shot a man on the train, quick and quiet, and how no one had even suspected he was dead until later that night when the train was searched. Then there was the man who Interpol thought frozen to death on the Swiss slopes and the woman who had never made it passed the front door of her luxurious L3 condo. He spoke as if death was nothing. As if taking another's life was just as ordinary and mundane as watching TV or cleaning the house. To him it was just a job, like how firemen put out fires or how pilots flew planes, though a little less exciting.

"I'm good at it too." Duo concluded, smiling, "G said so."

When he was finished there was silence and then the chairwoman, choosing her words very carefully, spoke.

"I see…And Heero?" Heero nodded, paused before adding:

"But _I'm_ better." He sneered at Duo who glared right back at him.

"No you're not—"

"Yeah I am. I took out more people than you—"

"So what? I gathered more information than you anyway. You're—"

"That's only because you're such a—"

"_Enough._ I have no doubt in either of your abilities, but I have just one last question to ask." The boys stopped bickering and threw a curious glance her way. "_Why_ do you want to join the Preventers? Agent Noin has told me how adamant you both have been and I can't help but wonder why."

_Why?_ Duo thought. That was easy.

"Why not?" Heero shrugged. "J…and G are dead. We have no family. We have nowhere to go so why not?"

"You can use us." They didn't care either way. And also…Duo's gaze went to Heero and for the first time in what seemed like forever, it wasn't a glare. "You can help us." He tried not to trip over his words. "I—we…we…"

"We don't want to be sick anymore." Heero finished for him, but that was only part of it. The sickness had robbed them both of something important. He didn't know about Duo, however over the years, Heero had buried that something deeper and deeper inside, waiting for the time he could bring it out again. He knew it would never be the same, not after all that had happened, but he still wanted it back. There was no doubt there. The first step was to become healthy and for that, they needed help. "We just want to get better."

"Very well." It wasn't the whole truth, but it satisfied the chairwoman. Heero was confident that she, as well as the rest of the Preventer staff wouldn't look beyond the shocking strangeness of their illness to the real reason buried underneath it all. "Agent Clark?" The chairwoman's call was followed by a startled noise that drifted through the speakers, "About the investigation…"

"Right, yes. Of course…" Agent Clark blinked and cleared his throat. He skimmed the papers in front on him, mumbling to himself, before beginning. He introduced himself and his partner, Agent Noin, and another agent, Agent Davis, who was also on the team. He discussed the background information of the case, going over the details of the explosion, the mission that rescued the boys, and what information the team has gathered so far on the Doctors and the whereabouts of their multiple labs.

During Agent Clark's speech Noin had talked both Duo and Heero into eating a couple cookies and another juice box.

"What we need from you is any information you can give us on the Doctor J and Professor G. The location of a lab, ah, any place they took you that seemed important…anything really." He smiled, forgetting the boys couldn't see him.

"Um…" Duo stopped, swallowed the cookie he had been chewing and continued. He and G had lived in a small house in Sector-5h on L2 where G had a small basement laboratory, but he rarely worked at home. He rented a place in the old business district in Sector-3b and he had another laboratory in S-3d. That was his favorite lab. It was smaller than the one in 3b, but it was where he worked on his robots and developed the nanobots. Professor G didn't like to travel much. He spent most of his time in L2, but if he wasn't at L2, he was on L1 or on Earth visiting J or collecting parts.

Doctor J was the opposite of the professor. Heero couldn't really say that they had one home. There was the house deep in the Rocky Mountains, the apartment in the Tokyo and the other one in the Mombasa. When they were in space, they tended to stick on L1; however J did make trips to the other colonies and most frequently to L2. Rather than for a love a travel, J never stayed in one place due to his paranoia. He always thought someone was out to get him and he was right. He had made many enemies in his life and continued to make many more up to his death. Heero had loved the doctor but he was a loud mouth and couldn't keep his mouth shut. He was always bragging over something or another and Heero had always thought that the professor had been able to live a quiet life because of how reserved he had been. J's favorite laboratory was in the Rockies where they spent at least a third of their time together. J liked the solitude and quiet, even though he, himself, never was. He kept most of his research in that lab.

The rest of the interrogation segued into a question and answer section where Agents Clark, Noin and Davis asked the boys questions regarding the particular locations they may or have not traveled to, asked them to specify their answers, and asked more questions regarding the Doctors, their research and the people they employed.

There was barely any light outside when the interrogation ended. Sally had offered to take Heero down to the cafeteria for dinner and then to his room. Noin escorted Duo down to get dinner half an hour later. She made sure both Heero and Duo were sleeping before making her way down to the office to go over the new information with Clark and Davis. She hadn't mentioned what had gone on in the room I-12 or how shocked she had felt hearing what kind of lives the boys had led before. She was still digesting all this, though she couldn't quell the fury she felt towards both the professor and the doctor. She was both frustrated and annoyed with the chairwoman's consent to the boys joining the organization, though there was nothing she could do about this. She didn't have the power to convince the board of directors into overturning the chairwoman's decision. She doubted the board would turn down the opportunity to acquire new weapons because that was what they saw the boys as. Weapons, and nothing more.

Heero and Duo might not have cared either way, but she did. Noin didn't think she would ever stop caring for them. This was why it became all the more important to get them out of the hospital and into the care of people she could trust to take care of them and to care for them as she cared and more.

* * *

><p>The house hadn't changed much in the four months he had been absent. There was a thick layer of dust on every conceivable surface, as well as a team of half a dozen preventers inspecting the place, yet there was no sign of a break in or a robbery which Duo was thankful for. It wasn't that kind of neighborhood, yet he had always been a bit apprehensive to leave the house nonetheless.<p>

Around here it was normal for the Professor and his little boy to be gone for months on end and show up one day out of the blue. It was a decent area to live, not that the neighborhood didn't have its own problems, but it was nice when they were here—when they were home.

Duo mostly ignored the other agents in favor of exploring the house alone. He had requested to join the crew and journey back to his old home for closure and that was true. This was probably the last time he would get to see the house, to walk through it. It still felt like home but that was to be expected considering he had spent more than five years in this house. He had dedicated an extraordinary amount of time exploring the old house, familiarizing himself with what lived within these walls, and outside them, in the little garden G liked to distract himself with.

He passed through the living room. The furniture was arranged in a small semi-box, the battered couch was pushed up against one wall, an armchair on the perpendicular wall and the TV sitting directly in front of the couch. The only blank wall was the one with the window G used to gaze out of. The kitchen was clean and Duo thought back to how the professor had made him wash all the dishes before leaving for L4. From there he had met the professor in Istanbul where they traveled to Cairo and then to the United States.

Upstairs he guessed was much of the same in the sense that nothing had changed. There were only two small bedrooms and a bathroom they shared, but the only room Duo visited was his. He didn't dare enter G's. He couldn't bring himself to so he stood on the threshold and leaned into the doorjamb.

The professor was dead and he had come to terms with that. He'd come to terms with the fact that he was on his own now, more or less. There would be no one to yell at him to clean up after himself or to reprimand him when he got into trouble or had gotten himself physically hurt. No one to congratulate him, or to be proud of him when he did a good either. He wouldn't have the old man around to watch over him. Wouldn't get to hear that grouchy voice or feel G's rough hands and he wouldn't have to _ever_ see that crazy hairstyle. Duo laughed then stopped because it had started to sound like he had been crying for a while there and Duo did _not_ cry. He wasn't a little kid anymore.

The view in Duo's room overlooked Green Valley Park. It was a bit smaller than G's room but not by much. He had a bed, a desk and a wardrobe—though most of his clothes did tend to end up on the floor. G had made him clean his room too, before they left, and it stared back at him, spotless. It felt a bit strange. It was fresh, new; but, also old because of the dust. It felt like it had been abandoned without its knowledge or Duo's.

He crawled under the bed, dug out a little shoe box he had hidden there before they had left, and crammed the whole thing into his backpack without looking inside. He wasted no time packing his things, his clothes, some books, things he wanted to keep. He went outside, threw his bags into the truck he had come in and sat on the front steps, waiting for the other agents to finish up.

The neighbors, when they caught sight of him waved or greeted him. One elderly woman whom Duo had seen only a handful of times asked if they were moving and Duo answered yes. He watched as they came and went, trying to suppress all the anger and sadness and frustration. He knew it was just paranoia, but it felt like everyone knew. They knew G was dead, leaving Duo alone, again.

* * *

><p>On his first assignment Control had sent him and two other agents into the artificial rain forests of South America with a radio, a handgun, and the warning to only use it out of necessity. They had returned a day later cold, muddy and soaked to the bone by the randomized, violent torrents of new Amazon rain.<p>

The helicopter arrived at base around midnight. Duo, tired, didn't feel up to an after mission debriefing, so he left. He stole away among the chaos of the tech crew, silently thinking that it shouldn't have been that easy to walk out of a Preventers base. He walked out of the gate and boarded the night bus a couple blocks away. The bus was empty save two old ladies and the driver. Duo took a seat in the front and focused on the scenery. Late at night and having only just recently moved into the area, it was hard to tell what was what. The closest night bus stop from his new residence was two blocks away.

Helen was waiting outside. It shouldn't have surprised Duo—it only took a phone call from Noin, or some other agent to have alerted her—yet it did.

Helen Sanders was Duo's new guardian. She was a former field nurse employed by Preventers some ten-odd years ago, and lived, with her thirteen year old daughter, Alison Sanders, in a quiet suburban neighborhood an hours drive from the city. She is an avid church goer, volunteered at Milton's Home for the Elderly Mondays through Wednesdays, the Teen's Center on weekends. She had shoulder length strawberry blonde hair with streaks of white and smiling light blue eyes.

"Duo." She called his name and smiled, welcoming him home. Helen was a bit peculiar in that she was always smiling.

Helen was a friend of Noin's and the first thing Duo had said to her was "I'm not going to call you mom." He hadn't known why he had said it, but he had meant it. From the moment he had met her, he hadn't liked her, and after two weeks in her care he still didn't, though his initial dislike had grown into more of a muted broodiness then real contempt for the woman. He didn't quit hate Helen, just didn't like her. He did, however, find her interesting. She was one of those do-gooder types; one of those people who truly cared about others. When she smiled she meant it and she was always smiling.

"Are you hungry?" she called from the kitchen, "There's some pasta and pie left over from dinner. Why don't you go upstairs and wash up." Duo, quietly treading up the stairs, didn't reply.

He went to his room to grab clean clothes and headed to the bathroom he shared with _Alison_ —what kind of name was that anyway? _Alison._ It sounded like one of those old pre-colonial granny names.

The bathroom always smelled like girl and Duo usually tried not to stay in there too long. Tonight—maybe it was because of the open window, or because he was soaked in mud or maybe he was just too tired—but tonight he took his time. He turned the water on so that it was hot, but not scolding hot and let it wash over him. Listlessly, he stayed under the spray, sending his mind away, not really thinking of anything.

Helen was sitting at the dining table when he went downstairs. He sat down next to her, a plate of pasta (the funny ones that looked like bowties and came in green and orange and yellow) with a slice of red cherry pie on the side sat in front of him. He reached for the pie first but decided against it when he heard Helen's muttered disapproval. The pasta wasn't bad; it tasted, like much of Helen's cooking, a lot better than G's cooking. Though he wouldn't admit it to her, Duo thought Helen was a wonderful cook. Everything she made was delicious and he often found himself asking for more.

"How do you feel about going to the salon tomorrow?" Helen had her elbows on the table and her head propped up in her hands. She was eyeing Duo's hair with that mischievous gleam she seemed to have reserved only for it and for times like these.

From the moment she had set eyes on the boy's hair, Helen had disliked it and had made it her personal mission to improve upon it in anyway, to make it healthier. Before, Duo hadn't really ever thought about the maintaining his hair. Most of the time, it was down. Sometimes, when he needed it out of the way, he pulled it up into a pony tail. It was just hair to him and the only thing that he cared about was keeping it long for the thought of someone with a sharp blade anywhere near his body made him…anxious and also simply because he liked long hair. As a result, over the years, his hair had become quite coarse and wholly unkempt. His brief stay at the hospital hadn't done much good for it either.

Absently, Duo fondled his hair. It had changed so much since he had first arrived thanks to the hair products Helen had bought for him. At first Duo had been a little apprehensive—the shampoos smelled like something Alison would use; girly—but they made his hair shinny and soft like a pillow. He was always reaching up to touch it. In the end he had decided that they didn't smell _that_ bad. He liked the cotton candy scented one the most, though he suspected that one had not come from the boy section in the product isle.

Duo gave Helen a look, a clear _no_, and went on eating his pie. Helen did not give up.

"No? Well why not? It's looking so much better than before, but I think it could use some styling." She motioned to the ends, "and we should do something about those bangs of yours." She swept her hand across his face so his bangs were out of the way, making his eyes more pronounced in the process. "You've got lovely eyes. You shouldn't cover them up." She smiled softly, reminding Duo a little of Noin.

He shook his head sending his bangs back into place.

"I don't want to go to a salon. I don't _want_ to get it cut."

"Just a trim then. You won't even notice it. And how about if I cut it myself?"

"Why cut it if it won't be noticed?"

"So it'll look nice and a bit neater too."

"What if I don't want it to look neater?" Helen rolled her eyes.

"_Boys_" She huffed and sighed.

"_Girls_." Duo mimicked and the two burst into laughter. It was easy to talk to Helen, like it had been with Noin.

She swept her hand across Duo's bangs, pulling them back.

"If that's what you want." She signed and smiled. He nodded and finished his pie.

After two weeks with Helen, Duo's still didn't like her—not completely anyway. She was nice and kind to him, but he would never call her mother. She would never replace G.

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><p>**srry it took so long (if anyone reads this anymore).<br>studying for AP exams in 2 days...


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